Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
