My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
