I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
