so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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