I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
