my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
