i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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