This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's just so happy...and so naked.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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