a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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