last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
