I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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