what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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