I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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