I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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