its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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