It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
