don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
