im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
