thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
