Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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