I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
