Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

(1-857): View more from Massachusetts

Doors?

(857): View more from Massachusetts

Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself

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(214): View more from Texas

i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"

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(607): View more from New York

I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.

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(334): View more from Alabama

How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.

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