we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
