Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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