If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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