Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
