He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
