I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
