I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
