i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
