Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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