after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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