yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
