I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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