I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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