I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
