She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
