Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
