What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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