You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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