I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
