i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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