Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm passing your future prison.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
