Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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