so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
