He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
