her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
