I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
