I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
