In the future we'll all be gay
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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