I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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