My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
