Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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