got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
