take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
