All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
