I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
