i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
