WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize