OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
