i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
