please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
