she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
