In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
