While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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