My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
