He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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