If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
