that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize