God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just high enough for therapy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
