im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
