so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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