Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
