He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
