Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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